Friday Wisdom: The Four “D”s

Dwight Eisenhower was an incredibly productive man. 34th president. Golfer. Artist. Five-star general. Supreme Commander of NATO. Came up with ideas that we still use today, including DARPA (which founded both NASA and the Internet) and the Interstate Highway System. And all in 8 years. The man got so much done it boggles my mind.

I read about his productivity system here, and thought I’d share it with you, because it’s very simple and doesn’t require any changes to your basic thinking. None of this getting up early or exercising or complicated systems to remember to use.

Instead, remember the four D’s.

Do
Decide
Delegate
Delete

The system classifies all tasks into one of these four D’s. Tasks get classified by two criteria: urgency and importance.

Urgency: Does this task have to be done right away? Or can it wait?
Importance: Does this task help me meet my goals as a person?

If a task is both urgent and important, Do it. Now.

If a task is important, but not urgent, Decide on a time to do it. Commit to that time.

If a task is urgent, but not important, Delegate it if you can. See if you can share that task with someone else. Most of us don’t have secretaries, but if it’s something like mowing the lawn, consider paying a neighborhood kid to do it.

If a task is not urgent and not important, Delete it. Don’t bother with it. Social media and television often fall into this category, but not always. Gossip about other people just about always does.

That’s it. Nothing complicated about it and nothing that tries to make you into someone you’re not. You decide what is important to you, and what is urgent, and build your priorities based on that.

Friday Wisdom: The Word “No”

No. It’s a powerful word. It makes people angry, makes them sad, upsets them, and makes them rail at you. If you’re not used to using it, it confuses people when you do.

It’s also essential to your sanity.

When I was growing up, saying “no” got me in trouble. It got me yelled at. I was about 12-13 the first time I dared tell Mom “no”. It was kind of stupid … I’d bought a pack of stickers with my allowance that I really liked. Mom liked them, too, and couldn’t find them anymore at the store. So she asked if she could have mine. I said “Mom, I paid for these with my own money and I really don’t want to give them up.” I kept the stickers, but paid for them with a screaming match that ended with both of us in tears.

I learned that Mom didn’t handle it well when she didn’t get her way. You gave her what she wanted or faced a whiny lecture, a spanking, or worst, a screaming fit. I learned to do what she wanted and never mind what I wanted, just to avoid getting yelled at. I’ve continued with this conditioning for a lot of years – I always caved quickly in any disagreement to avoid a fight – until I realized that I was so busy catering to everyone else’s wants and needs that I had no idea who I was. I was literally losing myself because I wasn’t saying “no” when “no” was what needed saying.

Your wants and needs are just as important as anyone else’s. Not more, not less. Equally so. What’s more, you don’t need a better reason to say “no” than “I don’t want to.” If someone is emotionally healthy and respects you as a human being, that will end the discussion. Any attempt to argue or plead or guilt you into it to get you to change your mind is manipulation. That’s toxic, and sometimes that toxicity can come from your own mind. Look for “I should/shouldn’t”, “what will X person/group think if I say no?”, and “have to” in your thinking, to decide whether you really want to do something or not. If you catch yourself thinking in any of the terms above, you don’t want to do whatever it is.

Learning to say “no” to the people I love was one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever had, but it’s freed my mind. Some of them still don’t handle it well, and that’s okay. They don’t have to like it. I can’t care for those I love if I can’t care for myself, and caring for myself sometimes means saying “no” to other people.

 

 

Friday Wisdom: Know Your Stomping Grounds

When you move into a new area, you’re busy. New job, finding furniture, making new contacts, going out, maybe getting a car. There’s a thousand things to do, but I want you to add this one to your list: Learn your surroundings. Mark your home on a GPS or app, then spend a couple of hours getting lost in your new neighborhood. Take the back roads, not just the main roads. Note down the location of anything that looks interesting.

Why?

Because you never know when knowing the back roads in your area will come in handy. I’ve had to find my way from home to the mall to pick up my brother from work after a tornado ran through the neighborhood. I’m currently using a detour through the back roads to get to work because the main roadway to my work is so pitted with potholes that it’s causing accidents and flat tires and it’s too cold and wet to fix it. That road is for all intents and purposes unusable and will be until the weather warms up and the pavement can be torn out and re-laid. Accidents and road closures happen for a variety of reasons, and you’ll want to be able to get home/to work/to the grocery store no matter what’s gone wrong.

Because the best local stuff, the stuff that makes where you live cool and unique, won’t usually be on the main roads. That’s where you’ll find the malls and the big box stores and the chains, not the local fare. The local fare will be on side roads and hidden in tiny strip malls, and the local fare is usually far superior to what you’ll find in a big box store.

Because you’ll learn more about your neighbors and the kinds of people that live around you. Knowing your neighbors can indicate best times to shop, whether it’s a safe neighborhood, possible drug and gang activity, and can alert you to things that may be amiss or not as advertised. It might tell you whether borrowing a cup of sugar from your neighbor is a smart idea or not.

Take the time. You’ll be glad you did.

Friday Wisdom: First Impressions

You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.

Experts says that we size up a person anywhere in between 30 seconds and 2 minutes — and that first impression will drive all your interactions with that person, potentially forever.

It doesn’t seem fair, does it? It doesn’t give you a chance to show all that you have to offer, only what you want people to see. That people who put on a good face and have terrible character go further than the amazing ones that take time to get to know.

You’re right. It isn’t fair. The best people take time to get to know, and not everyone will show their true selves at first impression — in fact, the ones who can do that often don’t have a lot to show.

The astute individual will tailor their own first impressions to what they want to show – and will trust their own only to a point. Your instinct is a powerful guide, but don’t let it be your only one.

 

Friday Wisdom: Polonius Was Right

This above all: to thine own self be true;

And then it must follow as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

— Hamlet, Act I, Scene iii

That entire soliloquy has some excellent life advice in it, and it’s worth committing the whole thing to memory. Everything Polonius said is still true and relevant today. I’m going to focus, though, on the statement above, because it’s the keystone in the arch of fulfilling relationships.

In this context, “true” doesn’t mean “in line with your values”, although that is also true. It means “honest”.

Being honest with yourself about yourself is hard, because there are going to be things about yourself that you don’t necessarily like. The good news is that you’ll also find things about yourself that you do like. You don’t have to like everything about yourself to know that you are still a worthy human being, that you are a child of the stars just like everyone else, and that you have the right to be here. That you are still deserving of love.

Self-honesty is the basis of emotional health, of self-confidence, and self -respect. From self-respect comes good boundaries, from good boundaries comes trust of others, and from trust of others comes love. Without self-honesty, honest and healthy relationships are impossible.

In short, a happy life begins with being honest with yourself about who and what you are — and are not.